**Triggers: Trauma, Late Pregnancy Loss, Biological Living Children**
Background: 6 months ago I lost my 3rd biological child, a sweet boy, at almost 24 weeks. I had placenta previa with accreta/increta. We thought we'd at least hit 30 weeks and be ok. Unfortunately I started bleeding heavily at 23 weeks and my life was in danger. With 2 living children and the extremely poor prognosis for my son we made the decision I feel we had to. But I am now left without my baby or my uterus. And emotional trauma from fearing for my life. Thank goodness for my 2 kids with me. But they don't fill the void of my son or the additional void of a third living child. The emotional pain is overwhelming at times.
We started IVF in the pursuit of surrogacy a few months ago. I have had 1 terrible cycle where 6 mature eggs were retrieved but we ended up with no 5 day blasts after poor ICSI fertilization. We received a second opinion from a different well regarded clinic. He felt that I likely stimmed too long and the protocol I was on wasn't working because he would have expected more like 10-12 eggs based on AMH 1.2, Follie count 15, FSH 7.4. We are thinking about another own egg cycle but I really need a fall back plan if this doesn't work.
So I am completely open to DE at this point. I have bio children and I know that my love for all my kids is about more than genes. DH is hesitant (as he was with surrogacy at first). He is concerned about not seeing my traits when he did in our 3 and loves seeing them. I'm less worried about this part. We are both concerned about the dynamic of 2 biological children and one child born of surrogacy and DE and how that child would feel knowing all this (we would be open about this with the whole family). Would any of this be psychologically overwhelming for this child and our existing children etc. He's also worried about seeing bad traits in a donor egg child that he wouldn't see with our bio kids. I told him I see 'bad' traits with our kids already lol.
In my mind, all of this is stuff that we can work out. I am sure we will both love this child wholely. And it's a bit different of a story from adoption in that there isn't really any abandonment. The opposite actually with the extra effort we are going through. Still will need to be addressed but it's not a gamestopper for me. DH thinks it's not bad but it's different and is not sure about signing up for it.
So I think I am going to start researching more about DE as we both would benefit from it.
I'd appreciate any experience from families who have used DE with living bio sibling (s).
Also any advice on using a frozen egg bank vs. an egg donor through an agency.
Thanks for your help!
Background: 6 months ago I lost my 3rd biological child, a sweet boy, at almost 24 weeks. I had placenta previa with accreta/increta. We thought we'd at least hit 30 weeks and be ok. Unfortunately I started bleeding heavily at 23 weeks and my life was in danger. With 2 living children and the extremely poor prognosis for my son we made the decision I feel we had to. But I am now left without my baby or my uterus. And emotional trauma from fearing for my life. Thank goodness for my 2 kids with me. But they don't fill the void of my son or the additional void of a third living child. The emotional pain is overwhelming at times.
We started IVF in the pursuit of surrogacy a few months ago. I have had 1 terrible cycle where 6 mature eggs were retrieved but we ended up with no 5 day blasts after poor ICSI fertilization. We received a second opinion from a different well regarded clinic. He felt that I likely stimmed too long and the protocol I was on wasn't working because he would have expected more like 10-12 eggs based on AMH 1.2, Follie count 15, FSH 7.4. We are thinking about another own egg cycle but I really need a fall back plan if this doesn't work.
So I am completely open to DE at this point. I have bio children and I know that my love for all my kids is about more than genes. DH is hesitant (as he was with surrogacy at first). He is concerned about not seeing my traits when he did in our 3 and loves seeing them. I'm less worried about this part. We are both concerned about the dynamic of 2 biological children and one child born of surrogacy and DE and how that child would feel knowing all this (we would be open about this with the whole family). Would any of this be psychologically overwhelming for this child and our existing children etc. He's also worried about seeing bad traits in a donor egg child that he wouldn't see with our bio kids. I told him I see 'bad' traits with our kids already lol.
In my mind, all of this is stuff that we can work out. I am sure we will both love this child wholely. And it's a bit different of a story from adoption in that there isn't really any abandonment. The opposite actually with the extra effort we are going through. Still will need to be addressed but it's not a gamestopper for me. DH thinks it's not bad but it's different and is not sure about signing up for it.
So I think I am going to start researching more about DE as we both would benefit from it.
I'd appreciate any experience from families who have used DE with living bio sibling (s).
Also any advice on using a frozen egg bank vs. an egg donor through an agency.
Thanks for your help!
