Hello. I’m not sure if this is the appropriate group for my question — if not, kindly direct me to a better group for it.
This may be too soon, but im already thinking about donor eggs after one failed pregnancy and one failed IUI. I don’t think I have what it takes to go through the brave journeys I have read about in several of the groups here.
I am 38 years old and stupidly allowed fears and concerns about my career and my husband’s career to delay my family dreams.
When we finally were ready, I actually got pregnant on the second try last fall only to discover an empty sac on the ultrasound at 11 weeks, with no other symptoms, but there was a concern that I could have been a molar pregnancy —The worst day of my life. I had a D&C, waited two long weeks to get the tissue sample results saying it was not molar — and my obgyn just told me I’m fine, I’m fertile, and to go try to conceive again in three months.
Instead I went to a specialist and found out I had a cyst on an ovary and very low AMH (0.03). I was monitored for a while until the cyst was gone, my period came back, and it appeared I had ovulated in my own. I was then put on injectables and scheduled for an IUI. Everything seemed to be going so well until today — my test was negative.
I haven’t met with the doctor yet to hear his thoughts on this failed IUI, but I know he had already told us IVF was not an option because with my low egg reserve it would be too much and backfire. But he didn’t think egg quality was an issue (not sure how he can even tell![:(]( ":(")
) His original plan was to keep trying these medicated IUIs until one works.
So the first one has failed and I know that is common but I am so upset and wondering if I should even bother trying again with my own eggs. I don’t know much about the donor egg process but I do know that I have no reservations about trying it if it means I can be a mom. I don’t care about having a genetic link — I can definitely get over that quickly.
But my husband wants to exhaust all other options first. However, this would come at a great cost to me, since I am so fragile and so deeply troubled that I just don’t think I can tolerate it. I admire the women that keep moving forward, but I think I’m just not that woman. It’s a personality flaw, perhaps. For example in the past, when things weren’t working out for me at a job, I moved on to another job. Even as a kid, I never followed through with a sport if I didn’t meet with success right away. I never had to study much because I was a naturally good student. I am starting to realize I simply don’t have the skill set and mental and emotional stamina to do this.
Meanwhile it seems that my life and relationships are on hold since the miscarriage, and I don’t enjoy anything. Some days, like today, I don’t have the will to live and although I would never harm myself, I find myself thinking I wouldn’t mind at all if I failed to wake up tomorrow. I just want my life back, and it feels like the only way is with a baby. Nothing will ever be meaningful until then.
Oh boy, I just realized how terribly depressing my post is! I’m sorry — back to my original question. How soon is too soon to be considering donor eggs? Because in addition to feeling hopeless about more procedures, I am also worried that if I wait too long I will end up in menopause and get no shot at a baby at all — my mom had premature menopause at 39.
I am also afraid of missing out if I don’t get myself moving with research at the very least. Are there long wait lists? I don’t want to make the decision and then be told I have to wait another year or something for a donor. We briefly looked at adoption, but for infants it seems that the wait is several years.
So is it too soon to be thinking about this, or should I start working on finding a donor? How long does it take? How likely are my odds if I do wait another year? Two years?
Are there any serious questions I should be asking myself first?
Of course, I won’t make any rash decisions right now, but I would like an action plan or time line to consider.
I probably sound like I’m whining, having only been on this journey about 8 months compared to the amazing women that have endured years of treatments and waiting, but I am simply not that strong — please forgive me, I don’t mean to be insensitive.
Since my miscarriage, I have sought counseling, prayer, meditation, yoga, acupuncture, massage, and have eaten pretty much all organic with fistfuls of vitamins and supplements. I haven’t had alcohol since first finding out I was pregnant in the fall and I gave up all caffeine (even decaf) after the miscarriage. I changed most of my cosmetics and cleaning products to natural ones and stopped using plastics last summer. I’ve read several books on egg quality and have been trying as many of the recommendations as possible. But this lifestyle is all consuming and I don’t know if I can keep it up.
Thank you for your thoughts and kindness.
This may be too soon, but im already thinking about donor eggs after one failed pregnancy and one failed IUI. I don’t think I have what it takes to go through the brave journeys I have read about in several of the groups here.
I am 38 years old and stupidly allowed fears and concerns about my career and my husband’s career to delay my family dreams.
When we finally were ready, I actually got pregnant on the second try last fall only to discover an empty sac on the ultrasound at 11 weeks, with no other symptoms, but there was a concern that I could have been a molar pregnancy —The worst day of my life. I had a D&C, waited two long weeks to get the tissue sample results saying it was not molar — and my obgyn just told me I’m fine, I’m fertile, and to go try to conceive again in three months.
Instead I went to a specialist and found out I had a cyst on an ovary and very low AMH (0.03). I was monitored for a while until the cyst was gone, my period came back, and it appeared I had ovulated in my own. I was then put on injectables and scheduled for an IUI. Everything seemed to be going so well until today — my test was negative.
I haven’t met with the doctor yet to hear his thoughts on this failed IUI, but I know he had already told us IVF was not an option because with my low egg reserve it would be too much and backfire. But he didn’t think egg quality was an issue (not sure how he can even tell
) His original plan was to keep trying these medicated IUIs until one works. So the first one has failed and I know that is common but I am so upset and wondering if I should even bother trying again with my own eggs. I don’t know much about the donor egg process but I do know that I have no reservations about trying it if it means I can be a mom. I don’t care about having a genetic link — I can definitely get over that quickly.
But my husband wants to exhaust all other options first. However, this would come at a great cost to me, since I am so fragile and so deeply troubled that I just don’t think I can tolerate it. I admire the women that keep moving forward, but I think I’m just not that woman. It’s a personality flaw, perhaps. For example in the past, when things weren’t working out for me at a job, I moved on to another job. Even as a kid, I never followed through with a sport if I didn’t meet with success right away. I never had to study much because I was a naturally good student. I am starting to realize I simply don’t have the skill set and mental and emotional stamina to do this.
Meanwhile it seems that my life and relationships are on hold since the miscarriage, and I don’t enjoy anything. Some days, like today, I don’t have the will to live and although I would never harm myself, I find myself thinking I wouldn’t mind at all if I failed to wake up tomorrow. I just want my life back, and it feels like the only way is with a baby. Nothing will ever be meaningful until then.
Oh boy, I just realized how terribly depressing my post is! I’m sorry — back to my original question. How soon is too soon to be considering donor eggs? Because in addition to feeling hopeless about more procedures, I am also worried that if I wait too long I will end up in menopause and get no shot at a baby at all — my mom had premature menopause at 39.
I am also afraid of missing out if I don’t get myself moving with research at the very least. Are there long wait lists? I don’t want to make the decision and then be told I have to wait another year or something for a donor. We briefly looked at adoption, but for infants it seems that the wait is several years.
So is it too soon to be thinking about this, or should I start working on finding a donor? How long does it take? How likely are my odds if I do wait another year? Two years?
Are there any serious questions I should be asking myself first?
Of course, I won’t make any rash decisions right now, but I would like an action plan or time line to consider.
I probably sound like I’m whining, having only been on this journey about 8 months compared to the amazing women that have endured years of treatments and waiting, but I am simply not that strong — please forgive me, I don’t mean to be insensitive.
Since my miscarriage, I have sought counseling, prayer, meditation, yoga, acupuncture, massage, and have eaten pretty much all organic with fistfuls of vitamins and supplements. I haven’t had alcohol since first finding out I was pregnant in the fall and I gave up all caffeine (even decaf) after the miscarriage. I changed most of my cosmetics and cleaning products to natural ones and stopped using plastics last summer. I’ve read several books on egg quality and have been trying as many of the recommendations as possible. But this lifestyle is all consuming and I don’t know if I can keep it up.
Thank you for your thoughts and kindness.