I ordered wondfos last night... then wondered if I was going to be on progesterone in a few weeks and possibly self-administering when I was on a trip.... then today found myself looking at the calendar and counting potential benchmarks in the first and second trimesters that I know are where the bottom usually falls out....
Lining check is tomorrow, with only the potential for a FET next week. And already I am doing everything I promised I wouldn't do: I'm imagining being pregnant and everything that goes with pregnancy.
I honestly wish my therapist could give me better tools - better disassociation skills. Even my mentally taxing job isn't providing a refuge from my head. I was able to more easily attach from outcomes in the past because ART wasn't really involved. Generally, I'd have sex, imagine nothing will happen (because I've had DOR forever), get pregnant and then miscarry. But IVF is so invasive and loaded emotionally, it's just so hard to not imagine outcomes. So I keep trying to imagine it not working and starting birth control all over again, to prepare for that kind of event.
Blergh. Apologies for being a downer. I've been on too many hormones and my hat goes off to all of the women who have undergone cycle after cycle of IVF. It's an emotionally brutal process.
https://justonemorebaby.blogspot.com